


different (doesn’t feel so different)

by orphan_account



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Crushes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, F/F, Flirting, Forgiveness, Friendship, Gen, Hair Brushing, Platonic Love, Post-Episode: e067-069 Story and Song Parts 1-3, The The Adventure Zone Candlenights Exchange 2017, ttazce2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 08:52:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13384368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Some things can change over the course of a century. Other things can somehow stay the same.





	1. Long Before

**Author's Note:**

  * For [quintic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/quintic/gifts).



> I was so excited to get quintic, their Lupcretia art is some of my favorite and they're such a cool person. I would highly recommend checking out their [tumblr](http://ladygrit.tumblr.com) if you're a fan of Lucretia, Lup, Lupcretia, or just really good art!
> 
> I had a little computer trouble while writing this fic and had to rewrite about one-fourth of it, but I think it came out better because of that. 
> 
> Happy Candlenights!

It’s a beautiful day on this plane that’s mostly gardens, miles and miles of flowers in bloom, dotting the landscape with so much color so that when they first arrived, it looked like an Impressionist painting from the air.

When the Starblaster landed, the air was heavy with the aroma of flowers and the buzz of bees pollinating them. The grass was soft and green, and everywhere they turned there were trees hanging heavy with fruit and bushes bent over by the weight of all the berries growing on them.

“Lush ay-eff,” was how Lup described it. 

(“Sensual,” was the word Merle used and was promptly banned from using ever again.)

They found the Light of Creation easily and quickly, and the crew ends up having a lot of down time. They haven’t had very many cycles like this, and it takes a while for them to get used to not having to struggle through a year of trying to save the plane they’re on from certain doom.

The beings that maintain the gardens are similar to the Aarakocra of their home world, and live in small, isolated groups. They don’t show any hostility towards the IPRE, nor do they show much interest. For the most part, they carry on tending to their gardens as though a group of seven aliens hadn’t just materialized out of thin air and made themselves at home. Magnus makes a few efforts to befriend the nearest village, but their overall indifference renders his attempts at friendship futile. 

A month or so after they land, the peak season for something called prickleberries starts. Prickleberries, despite the name, turn out to be soft berries that sort of look like blackberries and taste like kiwi fruit. The Aarakocra don’t seem to mind sharing them, and Magnus repeatedly eats so many that he makes himself sick. Taako and Lup make jams and jellies and compote out of them. One night, they serve a prickleberry-and-stonefruit pie, and it's so good that there’s almost a fist-fight over the last piece (something that Taako encouraged and Lup only halfheartedly discouraged).

\---

It’s a particularly slow day, and Lucretia decides she’s had enough of being cooped up in her room. She wanders across the field of flowers that the Starblaster had landed in and finds a grassy spot that’s shaded by trees. She reads through one of her first journals from this trip- the one she recorded the press conference and the bar fight in. She smiles, remembering how Merle was trying to protect her as Magnus broke a barstool over some tiefling’s head. She had been so scared at the time- not by the fight or for herself, but because of the way she couldn't control any of what was happening. Now she laughs at the thought of having even a little control over her circumstances. It's been thirteen years since they lost their home to that swirling, black opal mass that they now call the Hunger. Nearly a decade and a half of having any semblance of control ripped away over and over-

She has to force herself to take a breath. She came out here to relax and enjoy the day, not stress herself out over things she can’t change. She closes her journal, and lies back in the grass. The softness of the grass combined with the sun warming her skin as a breeze keeps her from getting too hot turns out to be the perfect recipe for a nap. 

She doesn’t know how long she’s been asleep when the sound of someone sitting down next to her brings her back to consciousness. She turns towards whoever woke her up, and squints. It’s one of the twins, but her vision is blurry with sleep, and she has to blink a few times before Taako’s face comes into focus. He’s watching her out of the corner of his eye as she pushes herself up onto her elbows, then sits up fully.

“Hey,” she says, voice heavy with sleep.

“Hey. Lulu told me to make sure you weren’t dead. You humans just drop dead sometimes, ya never know.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m still alive,” she says, sticking her arms out in front of her and wiggling her fingers. “Also, I don’t know what humans you’ve been hanging out with but most of the ones I know don’t just keel over.”

“Yeah, well, to be fair, most of the humans we know are the two other dipshits we’ve been hurtling through the planar system with for fuck knows how many years.”

“Thirteen,” Lucretia says, “thirteen years.” Taako’s ears twitch, like there’s a fly buzzing around his head that he’s trying to shoo away. 

“Whatevs,” he says, and leans back on his hands. “So what’re you doing out here, anyway? Besides trying to make us think you kicked the bucket.”

“Just relaxing. Reading over my journals. Wishing I had picked up a hobby before our home got vored.”

Taako gives a surprised bark of laughter. “Who the fuck taught you that? Was it Lup?”

“Merle, actually. You know, sometimes I _want_ to know how he knows stuff, but at the same time I really _don’t_.”

“Were you there when he just dropped the word _hentai_? I’ve been around a while and that’s deffo _the worst_ thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Lucretia laughs. “Gods, no, but he kept calling bocce ball ‘bukkake ball’ and I still don’t know if that was on purpose or not.”

“There’s no fuckin’ way to know with that dude.” Taako grabs a handful of grass and rips it out before opening his hand and letting all the blades fall back to the ground. He takes a blade that stuck to his hand and starts working to tie a knot in it. “What kinda hobbies would you do?”

“Hm. I kind of want to knit- remember that plane that was all ice, and the only person who brought anything warm enough was Magnus? What I wouldn’t have given to know how to make a scarf. But I don’t know, maybe gardening, too?”

“So old lady hobbies.”

“Maybe. Don’t you have hobbies?”

“Uh, cooking, _duh_.”

“Does it count as a hobby if it’s technically part of your job?”

Taako finishes tying as many knots as possible into the blade of grass, and starts on another. “Dunno. Isn’t writing a hobby for you?”

“Kind of. When I do it for fun it’s a hobby. When I do it for work it’s a job.”

“Ugh.” Taako tosses the blade of grass over his shoulder. “You’re such a nerd.”

“Says the elf whose twin sister is a scientist.”

“Uh, yeah, _sister_. Just ‘cause we’re twins doesn’t mean I’m a nerd too.”

“Actually, research shows- Hey!”

Taako throws a handful of grass at her as she covers her face and then, laughing, she throws more grass back. It’s one of the most childish things she’s done in ages and by the time the last handful has been thrown, she’s breathless from laughter and so is Taako. He’s got grass in his hair, on his blouse, and he spits a blade out of his mouth. Lucretia knows she’s covered with it too, and running her hand through her hair causes grass to rain off of her. Taako stands up and brushes himself off.

“I gotta start dinner and apparently take a shower now, I guess, so Taako’s outta here. Don’t sleep through dinner, it’s gonna be bomb.” He heads back for the Starblaster, and Lucretia lies back down. There’s dirt under her nails and everything smells like fresh-cut grass, and she knows she could easily fall back asleep. Instead, she turns onto her stomach and picks the dirt from under her nails. She absently watches bugs crawl up and down stems of grass, and considers how she wants to spend the rest of her day off. 

She’s still struggling to decide when a shadow falls over her. She turns to look and sees Lup standing over her.

“Sup?” Lup sits next to her and leans in close, trying to see what she's looking at. “Whatcha doing, Lucretia?”

The way her name rolls off Lup’s tongue is something Lucretia still isn’t used to, and hearing it sends a giddy feeling through her. 

“Trying to decide how to waste the rest of the day. I’m torn between another nap and seeing how many prickleberries I can eat before my body revolts.”

“Whoah, big plans. Though I can suggest a third option if you _really_ wanna punch things up.”

“Oh? You think you can outdo a nap?”

“I mean, obviously not, nothing is better than a nap, but hanging out with me is probably a close second.”

Lucretia pretends to be torn and spends a few seconds _hmm_ ing before she says, “I _suppose_ hanging out with you is an acceptable alternative to sleeping. I accept your offer.”

“Oh, how generous. Thank you for gracing me with your presence.” The words would be mean and sarcastic coming from anyone else, but the way Lup says them, they’re fond and teasing, and Lucretia feels butterflies in her stomach. 

“So? What all comes in the ‘Hanging With Lup’ package deal?”

“Weeellllll….” Lup says, drawing out the word and clearly stalling for time, “That depends on if you want the starter package or the deluxe package.”

“Deluxe, obviously.” Lucretia has never been good at flirting, but with Lup it comes so easily. She doesn’t feel awkward or goofy, and maybe that’s the decade of being around her and having time to practice, but it feels special all the same. 

“Good choice. Deluxe comes with, uh… flowers? Yeah, uh, flower crowns and…. Spooky stories. Yup. That’s the deluxe package and has been for years.”

“Throw in some cuddling and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“Babe,” Lucretia’s heart skips a beat when Lup says that, “cuddling is _for sure_ included.”

Lucretia sticks out her hand, and Lup shakes it. “Deal.”

The air is still pleasantly warm, and Lup is wearing a tank top and shorts. It’s such a simple outfit, but Lucretia can’t take her eyes off the freckled skin of her shoulders and thighs. The tank top rides up a few times, and that small sliver of tan skin is enough to make her mouth go dry. Lup laughs at her when she traces her fingers from freckle to freckle, and tells her she’s got a better job for her hands.

“Here,” she says, taking her hair out of the bun it’s been in, “you can untangle this if you want.”

Lucretia does, brushing her fingers through the tangles as gently as she can, relishing the feel of silky hair between her fingers. She ends up working it into a braid that hangs over Lup’s shoulder, and runs her fingers through the short hair of Lup’s undercut. The look on Lup’s face as she leans her head into Lucretia’s touch, the blissful way her mouth hangs open just a bit and her eyes close, sends the butterflies in Lucretia’s stomach fluttering all over again. 

After that, Lup spends hours weaving a flower crown made of amaryllis and orchids, daffodils and aster, orange lilies and tulips. She keeps getting up and running to different plants to get the flowers she needs, and tells Lucretia about the gladiator who showed her how to make these as she works each flower into the crown. 

As Lup works, the crown becomes increasingly elaborate and by the time it’s complete, Lup is covered in pollen and so is Lucretia. There are petals and stems scattered around them, but the crown is beautiful and fragrant and it fits perfectly atop Lucretia’s head.

“My liege,” Lup says, and gives a mock bow. Lucretia giggles at that, and carefully runs her fingers over the crown. The petals are soft like silk, and she wishes she could see what she looks like.

“I love it,” she says softly, and doesn’t miss the way Lup’s face lights up.

“You wear it well. Have you ever thought about becoming royalty? You’d rock the _hell_ out of some bling. Ooh, and long flowing robes. And a scepter, for sure. Are you taking notes?”

Lucretia laughs. “I don’t think I have what it takes to hold that much power. But I appreciate the flattery.”

“Anytime. There’s more where that came from, for sure.” Lucretia blushes a bit at that, and Lup’s smile is so genuine and bright that she doesn’t doubt her for a second.

“Maybe later, but I was promised scary stories…?”

Just as Lup opens her mouth to respond, Taako’s voice booms across the field. “Dinner’s ready and I better see all you chucklefucks at the table!”

Lup rolls her eyes. “Y’know, he didn’t know Thaumaturgy until that dumb tiefling from that plane with all the dinosaurs taught him and every day I wish she’d just gotten eaten by that T-Rex.” She stands up, and offers Lucretia her hand. “I think he did some kind of balsamic reduction because he wouldn’t shut up about it yesterday, and we’ll never hear the end of it if we don’t show up. Rain check on those scary stories until after dinner?”

Lucretia takes her hand and pulls herself up. “Sounds like a plan.”


	2. Not So Long After

It's a beautiful day on the moon, with a gentle breeze cooling the air and making the flowers in the many flowerbeds Lucretia planted sway. She’s been on a gardening kick lately- something about having her hands in the soil and bringing forth a beautiful flower from a small, dormant seed makes her feel good. Initially, she wasn’t sure that the moon’s soil would support life, but the daffodils she planted as a test grew quickly and the blooms were breathtaking. 

She’s had more and more downtime, with Carey and Killian taking on most of the responsibilities of running the Bureau of Benevolence, as well as the number of cities needing to be rebuilt shrinking. It’s been almost ten years since the Day of Story and Song, and the world is thriving. Her friends are thriving. She has had the privilege of helping restore so much good to the world, and she is as close to thriving as she feels she deserves.

It’s only mid-morning when Lucretia finishes planting the tulips around the entrance to the main dormitory dome, so she washes up and changes into her robes. She may not be Madame Director anymore, but she’s fond of the way the fabric drapes over her body and besides, she has a meeting later in the day that she should probably be in her regalia for. As she regards herself in the mirror, a pile of fabric on her dresser catches her eye. It’s a half-finished scarf she’s been knitting for Angus as a gift. She picks it up and checks her calendar. Angus’ birthday is coming up soon, and she wants to have it finished in time for the party that Magnus is throwing. Today would be a good day to work on it, and she grabs her yarn and heads for the center of the Bureau campus.

She sits in the grass, partially because the benches are so uncomfortable and partially just because she _wants_ to. There’s an old blanket spread out beneath her, mostly for the sake of the scarf and her robes. She can’t show up to a meeting covered in grass stains anymore than she can give Angus a scarf full of leaves and twigs. She’s sitting underneath one of the many trees on the campus lawn, and it provides just enough shade that the sun isn’t in her eyes.

The scarf she’s knitting is a lovely thing in shades of purple and gold, the unofficial-official colors of Taako’s Amazing School of Magic, where Angus has had tenure for the last six years. He has a tenured position at the Academy of Arcane Sciences, too, but he spends more of his time teaching for Taako. Lucretia is excited to give him the scarf- it’s her third-ever knitting project, and it’s coming out with far fewer holes and much straighter edges than the washcloth that she first knit. She knows Angus will love it no matter what, though, and that makes her all the more determined to make it great.

She’s close to having to switch over to a new skein of yarn when she hears footsteps on the gravel path that stop, then start heading towards her through the grass. She recognizes them immediately, and keeps her eyes on her needles.

A pair of thigh-high boots enter her field of vision, and then Taako flops down next to her, the shawl he’s wearing ballooning out behind him. He crosses his legs and glances at her out of the corner of his eye every few seconds like he’s waiting for her to notice him.

“How have you been, Taako?” Lucretia asks as she finishes a row.

He scoffs, and keeps his eyes fixed forward. “You knit now?”

“I’m just trying to fit into the old lady stereotype. I already drink tea and garden and read the newspaper before 10 a.m. May as well throw some knitting in there.”

Taako almost laughs at that, which is unexpected but not unwelcome. Lucretia hadn’t realized how much she missed the sound of his laughter. She hadn’t realized how much she missed _him_. 

He bites back the laugh at the last second, though, and rips up a handful of grass. He’s quiet for a while, and then he says, “I’m here because Lup told me to come.”

“Okay,” Lucretia says, waiting. He has more to say, she can tell.

“She says I should forgive you. That I’ve been holding on long enough.” He takes a single, long blade of grass from the handful he’s holding, and drops the rest. “That I’d feel better.” He ties a knot in it, then another. “Or some dumb shit like that.”

“I wouldn’t ask you to forgive me,” Lucretia says, so softly she almost doesn’t hear herself.

“Yeah, I fuckin’ know you wouldn’t. You’re such a goody-two-shoes.” There’s no real bite to his words, no venom in his voice. Almost like the old days, when he would rib her for being a stickler for the rules. “But she’s right, probably. Don’t tell her I said that.”

He turns to actually look at Lucretia, finally, and she looks back at him. “Say you’re sorry.”

She doesn’t hesitate. “I’m sorry, Taako. I know what I did was wrong, and that I hurt you. I hurt everyone. I think about it every day, and everything I have done has been to try and fix what I broke. And I am so, so sorry.”

Taako lurches forward and hugs her tightly, and she drops her knitting. “Apology accepted,” he says, voice low. “I don’t think I forgive you yet. But… I want to.”

“Taako…” her voice cracks even as she wills it not to, and her arms wrap around his shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I know.” His voice is muffled from where he’s buried his face in her robes, and Lucretia doesn’t dare move lest she break whatever spell is making Taako hug her. “I love you, Luc. I can’t _not_ and believe me, I’ve _tried_.”

“I love you too,” she says, “I always have.”

Taako pulls away and his face is dry but his eyes are red. “Not always. You deffo hated me the first few years.”

“You kept stealing my journals and writing stories about Merle pooping his pants. Do you know how much ink I wasted scratching all that out?”

“That’s still golden, by the way. Hashtag no regrets.” Taako sits back on his heels and straightens his hat before uncurling his legs and crossing them again. “Taako’s gonna kick it here for a while.” It’s not a question, but he’s giving Lucretia a chance to tell him to leave. Instead, she picks her knitting back up and starts the process of switching to a new skein. 

“How’s Kravitz?”

“Dead as always.” He’s making it clear he doesn’t want to talk, but that’s fine. Lucretia is happy to sit in silence with him, and when it’s time for her to leave for her meeting, he hugs her again. It’s shorter, this time, but it still almost brings Lucretia to tears.

“See ya, Luc.” 

“Goodbye, Taako.”

\---

Later, when Lucretia feels Lup slip into bed beside her, radiating heat and smelling like woodsmoke, she turns to look at her.

“You didn’t tell Taako to come talk to me, did you?”

“Huh? No, how come?”

“Mm. No reason.” Taako will tell Lup on his own time, and Lucretia isn’t going to take that away from him. “Move closer, my toes are cold and I need a pair of warm legs to put them on.”

“Ugh, you’re the worst,” Lup groans even as she presses herself up against Lucretia and gets twenty frigid toes against her calves. “How are you alive if your feet are that cold? I think _Kravitz_ is warmer than you are.”

“Been touching Kravitz’s feet, have you? Should I be jealous?” Lucretia teases.

“Oh my gods, ew. He’s my brother-in-law and I love him but nuh-uh. Hard pass. I’ve got enough cold and clammy action going on right here.” She digs her fingers into Lucretia’s sides, and Lucretia squeals and wriggles.

“Stop! I’m too old for tickling!”

“Apparently not!” Lup blows a raspberry on her neck, and Lucretia giggles and squirms. Lup doesn’t let up until Lucretia accidentally elbows her in the ribs, and then, well, she has to kiss it to make it all better. It’s a while before they actually fall asleep, but as she’s drifting off, Lucretia remembers the smell of fresh-cut grass, and feels herself smiling.

For the first time in a long time, Lucretia truly sleeps well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daffodils can also symbolize rebirth and new beginnings.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Come Clean" by Hilary Duff
> 
> All of the flowers have specific meanings because is it _really_ sapphic if there's not some sappy hidden symbolism? 
> 
> Amaryllis- worth beyond beauty  
> Aster- patience, elegance  
> Daffodils- eternal life, joy and happiness  
> Orange Lilies- passion  
> Orchids- thoughtfulness, femininity  
> Tulips- declaration of love
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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